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Whiskey River Craftworks

Bitch Inside

Bitch Inside

Regular price $79.00 USD
Regular price Sale price $79.00 USD
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Warning your neighbors since 2024: This snarky hardwood sign cuts through the BS with zero apologies. Hand-crafted from locally sourced wood—joined, sanded, and painted by actual humans who believe in doing things right. Every piece is unique because, well, wood has a personality. Comes ready to hang and signed by the artisans who made it. Perfect for anyone who refuses to play nice.
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Nope. We use a CNC mill for carving for shape, but all glue-ups, sanding, painting, finishing, and design are done by humans. No lasers, no robots, just elbow grease.

Usually 4-6 weeks for carving and finishing, and 3-5 days in shipping transit. Yes, we know that sounds long. Yes, it's worth it. No, we can't magically teleport it to your door. We work first in first out. Fragrance Items usually ship in 2-3 days.

Yep—orders over $50 get free shipping. Under $50? Sorry, small potatoes still pay for postage.

Yep. Designs, sizes, wood type, or paint color? Just ask. If it doesn't involve a unicorn or time travel, we'll make it happen. Actually, We can do Unicorns too!

Custom orders have a 24-hour grace period. After that… maybe. If we haven't started carving, painting, and finishing yet, we can try. Once we start, it's basically immortal.

Yes. We offer wholesale and bulk orders. While we won't usually carve a thousand tiny "World's Okayest Employee" signs, large enough orders are absolutely welcome. Email us and we'll discuss the details.

Kind of. We vend almost every weekend in the summer from our 1963 TravelEz Camper-turned-boutique. In winter, we haul it inside for shows. Dust, sawdust, and paint smell included.

No. But if there's an issue, reach out—we'll help however our tiny little business can.

Close. Wood is a diva—it moves, has knots, and does dumb stuff. Each piece is one-of-a-kind, signed, dated, and stamped. Colors and size may vary slightly.

Usually listed on the product. Want something different? Ask—we can quote pretty much any size.

Locally sourced hardwood. Species vary, and each one is unique. See #9 for wood diva behavior. Want something specific? Just ask.

They come with attached hangers. Garage, man-cave, cabin, or above your desk—you're in charge. There are some exceptions for our outdoor signs.

Gentle. Not too much water. No magic spells. Basically, don't leave it out in the rain unless we made it to do so.

Yep. Hand-painted, so slight variation is part of the charm. See #15 if you need color matching.

Yes. Email us. If it's possible in the real world, we'll make it happen.